I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
