I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
