That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
