census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
