that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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