my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
