Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
