Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
