lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
