question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
