haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
