i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i think i just lost a toe
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
