I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize