I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
