i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
