Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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