what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
