Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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