Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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