You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
