You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
