you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
