$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
