It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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