When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
