I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
