Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
