my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
