He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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