I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
