You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
