yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
