Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
