it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i out mim tonsoeep
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
