Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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