K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
