I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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