Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
