Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
