You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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