Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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