dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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