After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
