Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
