you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
