well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize