Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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