yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
