Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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