She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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