Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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