if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
