just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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