worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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