Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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