she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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