Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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