ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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