I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
