nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
