Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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