I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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