I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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