The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
