My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
