do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
