You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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