piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
