i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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