We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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