Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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