She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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