The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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