Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
